Whoremonger-folks!

If you pride yourself by telling that you are a liberal and look down on everyone else, you should feel the hurt and your bowels should burn as if a vial of lava fresh from a volcanic eruption is poured onto it. This is for you. People who are loving and kind-hearted, please refrain from reading this.

I am a liberal
Not liberal enough to fornicate
I am conservative
Not conservative enough to carry hatred
I am everything
I am the good and the bad
I am sweet and at times, yes, harsh
But I am modestly right and not wrong
For I am love!!

The poetic lines that you see above are penned by me. What our world lacks is love! In the morning, I walk to office and on the way, I see a labour woman walking out from a construction site crying her heart out. A less-than-3-year-old small kid runs after her with tears, calling out, 'maa, amma'. Reason. The Asst. Construction Engineer sends her home because she was not able to lift the heavy load of hollow blocks on her head. One day's wage lost. And she's crying. May be she wouldn't be having anything at home to feed herself and her kids. What a cruel world we live in!

Back to where I want this to head!

There is consensus building among the urban hippies that they are the most coolest specimens in the world. They call themselves liberals because they do not feel even a pinch of shame when they undress in front of a stranger or a long known/shortly known friend - and pull and play with each other's pubic hair. Live-in is trending in the metros. No commitments, only sex. Hot and raw. Of course, not without a condom.

Oh yeah, these are liberals. Men have no issues punching into other men and women would not feel shy to lick other ladies. Metro life baby. The Butterfly Generation, a recently published book that I read is another fresh piece of shit which has to be flushed down the latrine commode. The out-of-his-mind author tries to capture the technicolour of the Indian youth, but only venerates the way they sleep and swap partners like animals on the roads do.

'You are not man enough if you don't drink this!', a woman challenged a guy who was teetotaller till that moment. It was a woman who challenged him. Oh yeah, if its a woman, its your penis that makes your decision and not your mind. The guy gulped the whole thing in one shot! Yay!! Yay!!!, shouted and shashayed everyone. Dear till-the-moment-teetotaller, if a woman challenges your manhood, jizz your liquid into her vaginal peg and tell her hence proved. Dont just cheaply gulp that dizzy liquid from the glass peg she hands you and jizz yourself off!

There are principles you follow. And there are principles others follow. Your mom may sleep with your uncle and that may be uber-cool with you and your generous dad, because you are a liberal. That is not the case in other households. If you boast about your whoremonger mentality calling it being liberal, I will strip your honour down with mere words. I will have no regrets, because you deserve one.

Whoever you are, whatever culture you grew up in, keep it to yourself or cherish it and even speak about it. But dont you dare look down upon others. The world has known two kinds of people - the liberals and the conservatives. There are two more - the liberally conservatives and the conservatively liberals. The liberally conservative category brags about its liberal orgies and expects everyone to follow what they do. The conservatively liberals are conservative, yet accommodate others without passing judgements.

If you start loving others, you will start respecting them. And if you respect them, you wouldn't even think of disturbing their peace. Think of the woman from the construction site. Life should punish haughty ones like you and not the meek. Spend one day there under the hot sun carrying loads of weight on your head. Your liberally conservative theories will evaporate from your clay-wet brain, I bet on your life. Live and let live.

Its not impossible!

Boeing Boeing

A breezy Bangalore evening at Alliance Francaise. The very first theatre play I attend. Boeing Boeing. Thanks to the original playwright Marc Camoletti who created it. The play was crisp, humorous and ended on a sweet note. The mindset of a metro youth towards love and marriage well captured, and the subsequent complications that follow.

There was Bernard, the lead character who  gets engaged to three women - an American, a German and an Italian - all Air-hostesses, their names starting with G. Bernard maintains a strict mathematical arrangement so that not one of the women would know the truth about the other two. The plot gets intense when all three are at Bernard's house at the same time. Robert, Bernard's friend, and Martha, Bernard's maid steal the show with their timely wits.

In a scene, Gloria Hawkins the American gets attracted to Robert's lips when he says 'Its not impossible'. She gets all excited, says his lips look like a flower when he says 'Its not impossible' and asks him to repeat the line over and over again. Then they get into a technical kissing spree which stops only when Bernard arrives.

Well, after the play, I had the opportunity to meet the cast. You know why? We were special guys. Because the one who took all of us to the play is the real girlfriend of the one who played Bernard. I wish her all the luck that its not impossible for her to be the only girlfriend of his and not counted as one of the three or four. Lol. :D Okay, back to where I left. So we met the one who played Robert. He told us, 'This is my first stage appearance'. Everyone started wowing. He was very good, the way he moved on the stage, the timing, the accent and the gestures, except for some minute delivery errors. But for a first-timer, I would say he has done his very best!!!

It actually is not impossible!!!

Lent: the perfect 40-day diet plan!!!

A round table. Heated discussion. Three characters. A terminal smoker, a bisexual drug addict and a pro-rape activist. The thread that connects them all - alcohol and meat!!! Woah woah. Guys who usually linger in drunken state got some religion finally. Lent, baby, lent!!!

All three, Christians. So you can expect some religion from them. Because they have to mark their attendance in their respective churches once in a week or two. No no, not that they love to seek God. This, they do for two reasons - marriage and funeral. Hell yeah! - these are the primary reasons why many still go to church.

The smoker and the bisexual had most of the problems. They consider themselves one step above the pro-rape activist in the liberal echelon and so feel they have to sacrifice more. To a liberal, whatever he does is right. But now, there is a problem. Jesus, according to the stories they have heard from their grandparents, is not a liberal like them. And these three have to follow Jesus for a few days because of religious compulsions. So they plan to quit smoke, drugs, alcohol and meat for 40 full days. Why? Because the bisexual brought up something that sounded very fascinating - 'Dude, someone once told me that if you follow lent by not taking smoke, alcohol and non-veg till Good Friday, God will forgive all our sins.'

'Really!!!', chimed the other two in awe and total belief.

'Hahahaha!!!', I laugh out loud.

What is the use of lent, if you follow all that you say you follow for 40 days and assume your sins are forgiven, and then come back to your old state? Are you trying to fool yourself? Isn't lent followed in prayer, repentance and sanctification? Then why is emphasis only on how you are going to control your frivolous eating habit, which is of least useful to your spiritual life? Do you think God is more interested in the calorie content that goes in your belly?

Dont follow anything because the majority say they follow it. No. Reason within yourself. If you want to seek God, stop pleasing people and your lustful self. God and the pleasures of the world are two different things - like life and death. You cannot choose both. Settle for the one that will give you peace. You are your own church. Pray that God should dwell in you.

The Cow Speech

Everybody had gathered unusually long before time. All Indians. Oh no. That must be a wrong word. All 'Bharathiya citijans'. The ones in traditional wears, the ones so conservatively minded, the ones with thick large round bhindies on their foreheads, the ones with their white dhotties and scary moustaches,   the ones who believe zombies exist. Everyone, not one missing. All had gathered to witness this supernatural phenomenon.

Well, well, well. What was that? A cow gives its first ever Bharathiya Commemoration Speech. Oh yeah, the holy cow that could speak. People were throbbing to the arena. Tickets were completely sold out before three weeks. This was so huge, carried more magnitude than the IPL matches here. The acoustics-team had to come on stage and spend some time to position the microphone. Logical. A four legged creature cannot hold a mic and speak. Everything was set, the time came. Everybody clapped. Clapped. Clapped. And the cow took the stage by fire.

"Dear Men and Women, I am a cow. The holy cow that you venerate and worship in all your temples. I feed you all with good milk. My dung is used as manure and is regarded by the Bhakt birgade to be costlier than kohinoor diamond. My urine, people consider, has the power to purify their souls. I have had such an impact in you all. I am god in your minds. Hell yes, I am!

A few things I want to say that would make complete sense. You can take this as my confession or consider this blasphemy. I don't mind. I don't yearn for the frivolous god status you give me. I never asked for any such thing in the first place. It was you who garlanded me. Took me processions round and round and I am here - god speaking to you.

I am female. I walk nude in the streets. You have all been seeing my mammary glands hanging down there. Gosh, you have even dared to squeeze me there everyday with your bare hands and milk me. That is so bad you know. You don't respect me. First, learn to respect me. I am your god after all. Stitch some good clothes for me. Cover my nudity and then call me god.

Okay, the confession part. I am not a virgin and I am not at all chaste. The whole world knows this. So many times, I had lifted my tail up and had allowed so many bulls to penetrate me. No - they were not my husbands. No no no. I don't follow moral policies. Any random bull could put his male organ inside me. I have never had issues with regards to this. I will moan 'Maaaaa' and take it all in full length. Oh yeah, I am a pervert. But honestly, think for a moment. If I were not a pervert, how would I satisfy your superficial need to extract milk from me every single day.

But this thing, I dont like. You call such a pervert as me - HOLY. And look at your women. They are angels. They don't live such a rubbish life like I do. They dress up. Okay, you may have problems there. Hey, they atleast cover the important parts that ought to be covered. What more do you want? Look at me, your favourite god, for comparison study. But you call me holy AND THEM, YOU CALL SLUTS. This is just not right. Change your mind. Respect your women. They are holier than me.

All women are holier than the cows!!!"

Silence kills all and finally comes after your life!

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."

- Abraham Lincoln

If you had told me being silent is very powerful four years back, I would have called you a liar and painted you as a weak and sheepish character. I had this Che Guevara-ness in my marrows. My spirit would fight and take anyone down. That was me, then. But now, no, things are very different with me. I have become silent - yes! But I have also learnt how to use it with wise.

If you face serious issues, people warring against you and evil being devised to tarnish you - don't fret, don't even feel a tinge of pressure, don't take anything, don't vent out. The best way to tackle problems is to remain silent. When you are silent, it is very difficult for people to read you. When it becomes difficult for people to read you, you are powerful. Yes, people will misinterpret you, misquote you, develop wrong perceptions about you, spread rumours, conspire against you and may even do the nastiest of things to bring you down. But you should keep this in mind. All that they do is only to provoke you, make you speak and spill your mind. The Holy Bible says - A fool uttereth all his mind!. So no, don't give in there. Don't lose your tough. Keep your line and length tight. We are now a free nation because a man called Mahatma who led the independence movement was silent and non violent.

Like there is always a flip-side to the coin, silence also has its darker shades. Adam Lanza who killed 26 people in Connecticut last December was silent all the time, too. This 20 year old killed everyone and finally pulled the trigger pointing to his temple. Silence kills all and finally comes after your life! Ajmal Kasab did not utter a word when he made his final walk with his hangman. Research says that a major chunk of those who commit suicide showcase reclusive behaviour.

Silence is powerful but also dangerous. Powerful - in helping you establish yourself, focus better, form a tough persona, and destroy all the wrongful things people rant about you. Dangerous - in making you a reclusive, an anti-social and appear reluctant and complacent. So what do I recommend? While you should continue to embrace silence, you should also take breaks at regular intervals - not to prove a point to others but to prove to yourself that you are not on the dangerous side of things. 

So what can you do? To whom can you talk? There is always a handful people whom you can trust. Your Mum. Your Dad. A closest friend who is understanding and wise. You should open up to them at times and talk about life at large - the good, the bad and the ugly. You can always carry a smile wherever you go. That will help you ease and add more vigour to your silence. And yea, the best thing - seclude yourself from everyone, go alone, meet the needy, and do some social work. Refrain from the inner urge of wanting to be known for the good you do. Helping somebody in secret will definitely make you feel good and keep you on the right track.

Appa Amma

A couple that prays together stays together!

- Jim Cymbala

Mum and Dad. Happily married for more than 25 years. It would be clear exaggeration to call them the perfect couple. Because there is no such thing as 'perfect' except God. Nonetheless, I am definitive in saying, they are one of the most beautiful couples. Because only through imperfections, understanding each other well and forgiving, can beauty become rich in bearing. When beauty comes out colourful, we call it love. Like a bar of gold tested and purified by fire, time tests and proves love.

This quadranscentennial love saga was triggered by the divine and ever since this tale is on an eternal hip hop roll. There is only joy and much joy. The story started with my now-85-year-old Grandma. After her first daughter's arranged marriage failed, my Paati who was already widowed made it a point to depend only on God concerning the marriage of her second daughter. So she prayed all the time. One fine day, Paati had a vision from the Lord and God revealed the face of my dad.

The Pastors brought lot of connections as part of groom-search for my Mum who was amazingly beautiful in her 20s. But Paati said NO to all the photos shown until one day she identified the face that was revealed to her in a group photograph a Pastor brought. That face belonged to my Father. Arrangements were made and my Mum and Dad became Man and Wife on June 4, 1987. How beautiful is it to know from God that this woman/man is destined to be your wife/husband!

In all these years, I have not one memory of Amma and Appa fighting or arguing over a subject. I wouldn't say there was no occasion for not-so-pleasant things to have happened. Every family has its highs and lows. But when we go through those phases, how do we handle things? In highs, do we over-joy or feel unsatisfied? Or in lows, do we over-sorrow and blame?

Though Amma and Appa do not think alike all the time, they have never been self-centred. When you are so consumed by your own self, you will have ego, envy and anger against every person without reason. My parents sweetly and blindly follow one simple thing that awes me to date - 'I am living, not for me, but for you'. They have this high realization one toward the other. Only when a person stops living for himself/herself and starts living for the other, can he/she live a blessed and holy life.

Some psychologists say - too much love will lead to untoward complications in marriage. I am baffled how this premise never had the slightest of effects in my parents' marriage. I would boldly say - show love to your spouse without measure and with no reservation. Because love becomes full, only when you empty yourself into your spouse. Give her/him all the love in the world. Appa and Amma are both in their 50s now. Would you believe, at this age, they leave me and my brother back, and go for tours alone like just married couples would do? This is unheard of. I call this - honeymooning at fifty.

Always true to you darling in my fashion!

To my Princess,

My dear Sweetheart, I do not know you. My imaginary buds have, at times, tried to visualize how you might look. Yes I confess. When night falls, while on my bed, yes, I have thought about you. So many nights, I have laid my thoughts to sleep on your comforting bosom. You do not even remotely resemble any of the women I have seen. Yes, you are unique and the most beautiful of all. Our bond is special. When I shall meet you, you would find how I had known you all my life.

When God first created Adam, Eve was within him. I dreamt a lovely dream lately - I was your Adam, you were my Eve and we lived in the garden of Eden. How true of it! Yes, you dwell within me. I know it and doubly yes, I could feel you in my heart. After all, you are my missing rib bone. When you shall be united  with me, there shall be eternal bliss. We shall be one body. You shall be mine and I shall be yours.

I have gone through turbulent times. Yes, I passed my troubled teens with much pain. The trouble persisted through my early 20s as well. I did err at times. But have never gone behind anyone but you. I might have tried so many stupid things but believe me, dear, I have never been in love with any other. The world, as you know, has always been enticing. But 'NO!', I said to all its attractions and infatuations because I know in my spirit that we are long intertwined by destiny even before the foundations of this world.

Yes, I have had crushes at various stages of my life. But for you, dear, I did crush them all. Not one thought sprouted in my mind which said - 'You should convert this crush! You should try out this girl!' I was in total control. I live with a realization that I am already your man. How can I even think of doing something stupid like that! In all sincerity, I have always been faithful to you.

I do not know anything about you - where you live, how you really look, what kind of dresses you'd like to wear, what dishes you'd love to eat, your education, your parents and friends,... No, nothing at all. Some friends here have tried to put fear in my heart saying - nowadays girls are not chaste enough!- and all those dark things people mistakenly speak. But I do not worry. I do not want to know anything. Wherever you are, I want only you. Because I am deeply and madly in love with you.

There is a big fat book called The Holy Bible that helped me find God. I read it every day. It starts with a story of marriage and ends with another story of marriage. How sweet! Even in the eyes of God, the union of man and woman is sacred. Marriages are rightly made in heaven. 

Right now, I have a strong feeling that you long to see me. Don't worry dear. You shall not tarry more. I shall soon find you and would take you home with me. And our story would end - And they lived happily ever after...

Written by,
A frog Prince waiting for that one kiss from the Princess