Everybody had gathered unusually long before time. All Indians. Oh no. That must be a wrong word. All 'Bharathiya citijans'. The ones in traditional wears, the ones so conservatively minded, the ones with thick large round bhindies on their foreheads, the ones with their white dhotties and scary moustaches, the ones who believe zombies exist. Everyone, not one missing. All had gathered to witness this supernatural phenomenon.
Well, well, well. What was that? A cow gives its first ever Bharathiya Commemoration Speech. Oh yeah, the holy cow that could speak. People were throbbing to the arena. Tickets were completely sold out before three weeks. This was so huge, carried more magnitude than the IPL matches here. The acoustics-team had to come on stage and spend some time to position the microphone. Logical. A four legged creature cannot hold a mic and speak. Everything was set, the time came. Everybody clapped. Clapped. Clapped. And the cow took the stage by fire.
"Dear Men and Women, I am a cow. The holy cow that you venerate and worship in all your temples. I feed you all with good milk. My dung is used as manure and is regarded by the Bhakt birgade to be costlier than kohinoor diamond. My urine, people consider, has the power to purify their souls. I have had such an impact in you all. I am god in your minds. Hell yes, I am!
A few things I want to say that would make complete sense. You can take this as my confession or consider this blasphemy. I don't mind. I don't yearn for the frivolous god status you give me. I never asked for any such thing in the first place. It was you who garlanded me. Took me processions round and round and I am here - god speaking to you.
I am female. I walk nude in the streets. You have all been seeing my mammary glands hanging down there. Gosh, you have even dared to squeeze me there everyday with your bare hands and milk me. That is so bad you know. You don't respect me. First, learn to respect me. I am your god after all. Stitch some good clothes for me. Cover my nudity and then call me god.
Okay, the confession part. I am not a virgin and I am not at all chaste. The whole world knows this. So many times, I had lifted my tail up and had allowed so many bulls to penetrate me. No - they were not my husbands. No no no. I don't follow moral policies. Any random bull could put his male organ inside me. I have never had issues with regards to this. I will moan 'Maaaaa' and take it all in full length. Oh yeah, I am a pervert. But honestly, think for a moment. If I were not a pervert, how would I satisfy your superficial need to extract milk from me every single day.
But this thing, I dont like. You call such a pervert as me - HOLY. And look at your women. They are angels. They don't live such a rubbish life like I do. They dress up. Okay, you may have problems there. Hey, they atleast cover the important parts that ought to be covered. What more do you want? Look at me, your favourite god, for comparison study. But you call me holy AND THEM, YOU CALL SLUTS. This is just not right. Change your mind. Respect your women. They are holier than me.
All women are holier than the cows!!!"
nice one
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