The Embrace

It's been so long since anyone embraced me, sulked the girl and broke into instant tears. She had been hugged multiple times by multiple men and women, but no, she had never really felt any warmth in any of that. Her body had broken into sensuous tickles at times, but no, not that touch that would mean, I will always be with you. She is what anyone with a middle class morality would rate - slut, what the rich would say - classy, and what the minds of both the liberals and the conservatives would call in unison - sexy!

Yes, she isn't the virgin, the non-virgins would dream of marrying. She isn't the one who anyone would miss a chance to make a pass at. She smiles, yet she cries. She talks, and is still silent. She dreams, but in vain. She's judged from every angle of flawed perception. Yet, she wouldn't know any of it, or pretends not to know what others would think of her. Doubly yes, she is vulnerable by all means.

How rude! Men who do not have the guts to even talk to her, imagine lewd things about her in the privacy of their wicked minds, but act just the opposite way putting on a fake holy outward gesture to openly tarnish her image. That doesn't mean men who talk to her are real saintly! The logic doesn't work one bit that way! The girl is always put in the awkward 'Head-I-win;Tail-You-Lose' position. Who is really promiscuous? The girl or the minds of these men?? What is done within four walls and in the absence of others is not wrong at all, they believe! A day will soon come when all these sick low-lives will wail for all the wrongs they did covertly and all the people they wronged overtly!

Coming back to the she. If you really have the b*lls to count yourself a man, I pose this challenge to you. Instead of quickly judging her or instead of using the opportunity to make the most out of her vulnerability, why wouldn't you show her some love!! Dont get me wrong. By love, I do not mean falling in love. Because it is not for the tight pressing hugs and a few long kisses on her lips and down, she yearns!!! She longs for a genuine embrace. I am not saying you should carry a I-am-a-good-boy pretence and go on a hugging spree with the several women your near-society has portrayed in bad light and call what you do 'Embrace'. I-am-a-good-boy hug!!! - No No No, it is not possible at all - you know it, i know it, the world knows it; that's biology. Let your embrace be found with no blemish. Be assertive to her, appreciate the good in her and encourage her efforts to overcome her mistakes. That would be the best embrace you can think of giving anyone. She needs love and just that.

Brisk, Witty, Classy

It is simple things in life, if missed, would make such a big negative difference. In the end, what we did wouldn't matter, but what we did not would. Imagine a thrilling cricket match which ends in the final ball, the losers would sulk over a silly misfield. Well, I do not want you be a loser at all. You are a winner. Yes, an emphatic one at that!

 So, last week I happened to meet a guy whose soul was consumed by eternal slumber. His eyes would droop all the time, be it night or day. People started to tease him - 'Kumbakarna!! Kumbakarna!!!' But he would proudly pat himself and say, 'Dude, lions are notoriously lazy and I am a lion.'. Way to go!!! Oops. No No.. Definitely not the way to go!!! Being a little agile won't do any harm. You can go for a morning walk or jog, twist your limbs some angle, sweat a little and that would do wonders.

There was this girl who wouldn't smile at all. Oh dear, Bombay Stock Exchange wont downtrend a 1000 points if you smile. Whatever jokes we crack, she would keep mum. Man, if you ever dare to  tease her, you are dead. She would instantly turn into Samara Morgan from the movie, The Ring. Gosh, would anyone like the idea of a live action horror flick? No way, I would be the first one to freak out. Lol. :D But my dear loose-pot, smiling is actually a nice thing. Please go check your mirror; look at your own face glow a million watts when you smile. You would give up the very idea of carrying a bad countenance for good. And one more tidbit, try cracking some jokes. But no PJs please.

And I have a friend who wouldn't mind wearing paragon slippers for his final job interview. He is least bothered about his dressing. Wrinkles and only wrinkles every direction you turn him. Hmm.. I thought, wrinkles would still be fine, because that has become trend these days. But this jackass wouldn't wash his clothes even. Would he mind spraying some perfume to cover the stink? No way!!! That's his style. Being clean is very important to your body, soul and mind. Don't hesitate to take atleast two showers a day. Wash and then wear! While you must abstain from overdressing, there's nothing wrong in dressing well and remaining classy. Carry the superhero charm!

You might not have the cutest of faces, you might be dark, you might not be so tall. Your looks are not in your hands! You would look dashing if your mom and dad are good looking. Chuck that logic; however you may look, you can still present yourself exceedingly well in an amiable way. These are simple things. A few minutes of effort. And it would put you on top.

Be brisk. Be witty. Be classy.You are the best!

God is pissed off!

Look around and see what's happening! There is only hatred, envy, backstabbing, name calling, war, murder, rape, immorality everywhere. Some people believe in God and some don't. They say there are scientific proofs emerging for supernatural God-intervened miracles to have taken place in the past. But do you even remotely remember of any one miracle your eyes have seen which would stand at one percent par(atleast) with all those great things that are said to have happened. Some people tend to feel all that is written in the Scriptures is false, name the attitude they carry - being practical and not being superstitious - and completely disregard God. Does it help? Not one inch. It only throws them back into to the spiral of the dark pleasures of the world, now without any feeling of guilt.

Okay, why are there no evident miracles these days? When you go to a healing crusade, some godmen call names and pronounce healing, other godmen pray with authority and yeah, you may even see some people walk up to the stage and testify their healing right away. But one annoying question keeps striking your mind - is that really true? Yes, I agree to your inquisition. If all that that happens inside an auditorium or a under a tent is true, why is there no record of the same gift of healing working when the same godmen walk through the streets. Didn't Apostle Peter heal that crippled beggar on his way to the Temple?

The miracles we read from the Scriptures are totally different from the ones we see today. This induces people to question their very authenticity. But one thing is sure. We dont see any evident God intervention and manifestation these days because - God is pissed off with all of us! Dont blame God because you cannot see any authenticity in the Scriptures! Blame your religion, blame your church, blame your miracle-workers! Ow Ow Ow. Wait. Why do you want to point fingers at others? Blame yourself!!! You are the reason God is pissed off! Your view of God and the world starts with your self! You are to be blamed for all the wrongs you claim you see and the judgements you pass!

God has seen enough of all of us, humans, and, is pissed off big time! Imagine you piss off a dog in  your street! Try pulling its tail or simply throw a small stone at it! Oh no, you wouldn't dare invite trouble doing anything as stupid as that! Because you know that it would definitely pounce on you ferociously and have a taste of your flesh!! If you can have that much of respect for a dog, why dont you even care to have the slightest of respects for God!!! Who do you think God is!!! Do you think He is some low life dirtier than a street dog!!! Take heed, you fool!!! Stop deceiving yourself!!!

We never show love! When a beggar comes to us, we turn our faces. When someone is lying on the road hurt, we wouldn't stop to call an ambulance. We are so selfish. If it is for our friends, we would do anything. But a strong NO to that poor starving woman we cross every day we walk down the road. Because she's not going to talk about our so-called great helpful character to everyone she sees, but our friends would definitely praise us for long. If it is for booze or food at an expensive cuisine or shopping, we wouldn't mind spending in thousands!! But how much do we care about the hungry living on the scrap we throw from our dustbins!!! We like to own everything, keep even things that belong to others to ourselves. One day we mistakenly see the upper contours of a lady's breast and we quickly judge her to be a total slut as if we are the most saintly of creatures! And what do we do when we are alone in secret - go to that porn site we have frequented ourselves with, fill our cup with truck loads of mundane lust and attain a momentary bust of our irksome stress!! We all lie so fluently to put down people whom we don't like and to lift our very image up. We hide our pitfalls and easily point fingers at others. We play political games. We wear multiple masks. We try to steal other's credits. Despite all this, we still think greatly of ourselves. We are all narcissists of the highest order, but we never accept any of this with openness though we clearly know who we are deep within!!

Doom to all of us!!! No wonder you are not able to see God in your life!!! You have mocked His very grace that keeps you alive!!! Mind you, you are so damn dead!!! If you don't turn from your willfull wrongdoings and your craze for vanity, you may even die a terrible death and the same street dogs you regard well above God would come and lick your drying blood!!! And flies would swarm around your dead body and whizzz praises for you!!!

Don't panic. It is still not too late. Introspect. Correct yourselves. Do good. Love others without measure. And God will love you dearly.

Whoremonger-folks!

If you pride yourself by telling that you are a liberal and look down on everyone else, you should feel the hurt and your bowels should burn as if a vial of lava fresh from a volcanic eruption is poured onto it. This is for you. People who are loving and kind-hearted, please refrain from reading this.

I am a liberal
Not liberal enough to fornicate
I am conservative
Not conservative enough to carry hatred
I am everything
I am the good and the bad
I am sweet and at times, yes, harsh
But I am modestly right and not wrong
For I am love!!

The poetic lines that you see above are penned by me. What our world lacks is love! In the morning, I walk to office and on the way, I see a labour woman walking out from a construction site crying her heart out. A less-than-3-year-old small kid runs after her with tears, calling out, 'maa, amma'. Reason. The Asst. Construction Engineer sends her home because she was not able to lift the heavy load of hollow blocks on her head. One day's wage lost. And she's crying. May be she wouldn't be having anything at home to feed herself and her kids. What a cruel world we live in!

Back to where I want this to head!

There is consensus building among the urban hippies that they are the most coolest specimens in the world. They call themselves liberals because they do not feel even a pinch of shame when they undress in front of a stranger or a long known/shortly known friend - and pull and play with each other's pubic hair. Live-in is trending in the metros. No commitments, only sex. Hot and raw. Of course, not without a condom.

Oh yeah, these are liberals. Men have no issues punching into other men and women would not feel shy to lick other ladies. Metro life baby. The Butterfly Generation, a recently published book that I read is another fresh piece of shit which has to be flushed down the latrine commode. The out-of-his-mind author tries to capture the technicolour of the Indian youth, but only venerates the way they sleep and swap partners like animals on the roads do.

'You are not man enough if you don't drink this!', a woman challenged a guy who was teetotaller till that moment. It was a woman who challenged him. Oh yeah, if its a woman, its your penis that makes your decision and not your mind. The guy gulped the whole thing in one shot! Yay!! Yay!!!, shouted and shashayed everyone. Dear till-the-moment-teetotaller, if a woman challenges your manhood, jizz your liquid into her vaginal peg and tell her hence proved. Dont just cheaply gulp that dizzy liquid from the glass peg she hands you and jizz yourself off!

There are principles you follow. And there are principles others follow. Your mom may sleep with your uncle and that may be uber-cool with you and your generous dad, because you are a liberal. That is not the case in other households. If you boast about your whoremonger mentality calling it being liberal, I will strip your honour down with mere words. I will have no regrets, because you deserve one.

Whoever you are, whatever culture you grew up in, keep it to yourself or cherish it and even speak about it. But dont you dare look down upon others. The world has known two kinds of people - the liberals and the conservatives. There are two more - the liberally conservatives and the conservatively liberals. The liberally conservative category brags about its liberal orgies and expects everyone to follow what they do. The conservatively liberals are conservative, yet accommodate others without passing judgements.

If you start loving others, you will start respecting them. And if you respect them, you wouldn't even think of disturbing their peace. Think of the woman from the construction site. Life should punish haughty ones like you and not the meek. Spend one day there under the hot sun carrying loads of weight on your head. Your liberally conservative theories will evaporate from your clay-wet brain, I bet on your life. Live and let live.

Its not impossible!

Boeing Boeing

A breezy Bangalore evening at Alliance Francaise. The very first theatre play I attend. Boeing Boeing. Thanks to the original playwright Marc Camoletti who created it. The play was crisp, humorous and ended on a sweet note. The mindset of a metro youth towards love and marriage well captured, and the subsequent complications that follow.

There was Bernard, the lead character who  gets engaged to three women - an American, a German and an Italian - all Air-hostesses, their names starting with G. Bernard maintains a strict mathematical arrangement so that not one of the women would know the truth about the other two. The plot gets intense when all three are at Bernard's house at the same time. Robert, Bernard's friend, and Martha, Bernard's maid steal the show with their timely wits.

In a scene, Gloria Hawkins the American gets attracted to Robert's lips when he says 'Its not impossible'. She gets all excited, says his lips look like a flower when he says 'Its not impossible' and asks him to repeat the line over and over again. Then they get into a technical kissing spree which stops only when Bernard arrives.

Well, after the play, I had the opportunity to meet the cast. You know why? We were special guys. Because the one who took all of us to the play is the real girlfriend of the one who played Bernard. I wish her all the luck that its not impossible for her to be the only girlfriend of his and not counted as one of the three or four. Lol. :D Okay, back to where I left. So we met the one who played Robert. He told us, 'This is my first stage appearance'. Everyone started wowing. He was very good, the way he moved on the stage, the timing, the accent and the gestures, except for some minute delivery errors. But for a first-timer, I would say he has done his very best!!!

It actually is not impossible!!!

Lent: the perfect 40-day diet plan!!!

A round table. Heated discussion. Three characters. A terminal smoker, a bisexual drug addict and a pro-rape activist. The thread that connects them all - alcohol and meat!!! Woah woah. Guys who usually linger in drunken state got some religion finally. Lent, baby, lent!!!

All three, Christians. So you can expect some religion from them. Because they have to mark their attendance in their respective churches once in a week or two. No no, not that they love to seek God. This, they do for two reasons - marriage and funeral. Hell yeah! - these are the primary reasons why many still go to church.

The smoker and the bisexual had most of the problems. They consider themselves one step above the pro-rape activist in the liberal echelon and so feel they have to sacrifice more. To a liberal, whatever he does is right. But now, there is a problem. Jesus, according to the stories they have heard from their grandparents, is not a liberal like them. And these three have to follow Jesus for a few days because of religious compulsions. So they plan to quit smoke, drugs, alcohol and meat for 40 full days. Why? Because the bisexual brought up something that sounded very fascinating - 'Dude, someone once told me that if you follow lent by not taking smoke, alcohol and non-veg till Good Friday, God will forgive all our sins.'

'Really!!!', chimed the other two in awe and total belief.

'Hahahaha!!!', I laugh out loud.

What is the use of lent, if you follow all that you say you follow for 40 days and assume your sins are forgiven, and then come back to your old state? Are you trying to fool yourself? Isn't lent followed in prayer, repentance and sanctification? Then why is emphasis only on how you are going to control your frivolous eating habit, which is of least useful to your spiritual life? Do you think God is more interested in the calorie content that goes in your belly?

Dont follow anything because the majority say they follow it. No. Reason within yourself. If you want to seek God, stop pleasing people and your lustful self. God and the pleasures of the world are two different things - like life and death. You cannot choose both. Settle for the one that will give you peace. You are your own church. Pray that God should dwell in you.

The Cow Speech

Everybody had gathered unusually long before time. All Indians. Oh no. That must be a wrong word. All 'Bharathiya citijans'. The ones in traditional wears, the ones so conservatively minded, the ones with thick large round bhindies on their foreheads, the ones with their white dhotties and scary moustaches,   the ones who believe zombies exist. Everyone, not one missing. All had gathered to witness this supernatural phenomenon.

Well, well, well. What was that? A cow gives its first ever Bharathiya Commemoration Speech. Oh yeah, the holy cow that could speak. People were throbbing to the arena. Tickets were completely sold out before three weeks. This was so huge, carried more magnitude than the IPL matches here. The acoustics-team had to come on stage and spend some time to position the microphone. Logical. A four legged creature cannot hold a mic and speak. Everything was set, the time came. Everybody clapped. Clapped. Clapped. And the cow took the stage by fire.

"Dear Men and Women, I am a cow. The holy cow that you venerate and worship in all your temples. I feed you all with good milk. My dung is used as manure and is regarded by the Bhakt birgade to be costlier than kohinoor diamond. My urine, people consider, has the power to purify their souls. I have had such an impact in you all. I am god in your minds. Hell yes, I am!

A few things I want to say that would make complete sense. You can take this as my confession or consider this blasphemy. I don't mind. I don't yearn for the frivolous god status you give me. I never asked for any such thing in the first place. It was you who garlanded me. Took me processions round and round and I am here - god speaking to you.

I am female. I walk nude in the streets. You have all been seeing my mammary glands hanging down there. Gosh, you have even dared to squeeze me there everyday with your bare hands and milk me. That is so bad you know. You don't respect me. First, learn to respect me. I am your god after all. Stitch some good clothes for me. Cover my nudity and then call me god.

Okay, the confession part. I am not a virgin and I am not at all chaste. The whole world knows this. So many times, I had lifted my tail up and had allowed so many bulls to penetrate me. No - they were not my husbands. No no no. I don't follow moral policies. Any random bull could put his male organ inside me. I have never had issues with regards to this. I will moan 'Maaaaa' and take it all in full length. Oh yeah, I am a pervert. But honestly, think for a moment. If I were not a pervert, how would I satisfy your superficial need to extract milk from me every single day.

But this thing, I dont like. You call such a pervert as me - HOLY. And look at your women. They are angels. They don't live such a rubbish life like I do. They dress up. Okay, you may have problems there. Hey, they atleast cover the important parts that ought to be covered. What more do you want? Look at me, your favourite god, for comparison study. But you call me holy AND THEM, YOU CALL SLUTS. This is just not right. Change your mind. Respect your women. They are holier than me.

All women are holier than the cows!!!"