Insomnia.
I come home and when I settle down after dinner it is already 11 pm. And this restlessness creeps in. I question pretty much everything and find no proper answer. I think about my existence, work, society, culture, dogma, religion and the whole construct of humanity. Then comes reality's deadly sting and I wake up to the shocking realization - that we have all been living lies. Oh, it pains really hard. My mind reels back and forth, tossed by a wave of powerful thoughts. Then I comfort myself sitting in the quiet and start contemplating ways to do something good in a more organized manner.
This has pretty much become a habit. I know this is leading me to something big. I might either start something (an NGO of sorts) soon or quit everything - job, family, friends and my own identity, and disappear into the oblivion never to come back again.
I am unable to sleep. Not that I want to become a Superhero and save the world from aliens. No, I am no savior. I do not give room to fanciful imaginations. I try to think of things that do not fade away with time. A thought is only valid, if in course of time, it converts itself into positive action. I'm concerned about the current situation our worlds are trapped into, about the filth we have adorned ourselves with and think of simple ways to mend these broken meanings of life.
I call my parents. I talk to my Dad in the dead of the night. My Mom is much worried. I want to know what they think of this world. Then I pour myself out. I tell them what I have been seeing. Greed. Injustice. The poor being oppressed. People begging. Prostitution. Child trafficking. Immoral lives of today's youth.
They are worried. Yes, they are worried - about me. They think I would fall apart. And they ask me if I have any plausible solution to this. I go blank. I tell them, I am waiting for credible substance. A grip. A workable notion in all its practicality.
Then, I go to the books. The Scriptures. And I pray.
I play my guitar. I lie down. I think. I write.
And I start reading again.
Without my knowledge, I close my eyes into sleep.
Peace.
Yes, momentary and lo, morning comes.
I come home and when I settle down after dinner it is already 11 pm. And this restlessness creeps in. I question pretty much everything and find no proper answer. I think about my existence, work, society, culture, dogma, religion and the whole construct of humanity. Then comes reality's deadly sting and I wake up to the shocking realization - that we have all been living lies. Oh, it pains really hard. My mind reels back and forth, tossed by a wave of powerful thoughts. Then I comfort myself sitting in the quiet and start contemplating ways to do something good in a more organized manner.
This has pretty much become a habit. I know this is leading me to something big. I might either start something (an NGO of sorts) soon or quit everything - job, family, friends and my own identity, and disappear into the oblivion never to come back again.
I am unable to sleep. Not that I want to become a Superhero and save the world from aliens. No, I am no savior. I do not give room to fanciful imaginations. I try to think of things that do not fade away with time. A thought is only valid, if in course of time, it converts itself into positive action. I'm concerned about the current situation our worlds are trapped into, about the filth we have adorned ourselves with and think of simple ways to mend these broken meanings of life.
I call my parents. I talk to my Dad in the dead of the night. My Mom is much worried. I want to know what they think of this world. Then I pour myself out. I tell them what I have been seeing. Greed. Injustice. The poor being oppressed. People begging. Prostitution. Child trafficking. Immoral lives of today's youth.
They are worried. Yes, they are worried - about me. They think I would fall apart. And they ask me if I have any plausible solution to this. I go blank. I tell them, I am waiting for credible substance. A grip. A workable notion in all its practicality.
Then, I go to the books. The Scriptures. And I pray.
I play my guitar. I lie down. I think. I write.
And I start reading again.
Without my knowledge, I close my eyes into sleep.
Peace.
Yes, momentary and lo, morning comes.
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